The perils of the penis

Been a while, eh?

I won't go into boring details of how I've been doing, but I will go into gory details of WHO I've been doing.

Name: uh, Hiroshi.

Age: 25

Sex: Fucking AVERAGE.

I met him in a karaoke bar (sweet godding christ, when will I learn) and though I didn't fuck him that night, I did fuck him the next time we hung out at my place. He is sexy in a swaggering, doesn't mind anything too much, sits with legs sprawled and makes himself comfortable in any room, lean sort of way. Grasped through his jeans, his cock was straining and hard; promising. Upon removal of jeans, though, his cock was at best slender. Um, but REALLY slender. Skinny. An anorexic cock. Holding it is just like making a fist around my thumb. You just made a fist around your thumb, didn't you? Put on the spot today whilst talking to a friend, I found myself describing sex with Hiroshi as "being jabbed in the crotch with a miniature whippet's muzzle." I own drumsticks thicker than this guy's dick. Heck, I could probably find chopsticks thicker than this guy's dick.

If he was good with his hands, that might make up for it. But he appears to be one of these guys who's super pleased with themselves for knowing what a clitoris is. Those guys don't understand that if I'm not super wet, then your fingers need to be super wet, and if they're not, then get them the dang away from me until they are. And I love my tits being played with, grasped, rubbed, pinched, pressed, licked, sucked, and generally paid warm attention to. But swirling a flaccid, slightly cool, kinda dry from your cigarette tongue around a nipple once or twice isn't just unpleasant; I can actually hardly feel it at all, and it's frustrating cos when I tell him I'd like him to do this or that, he smiles like "just wait til I REALLY get going" and then does the same thing, just for longer.

I thought I'd give him another chance - he's not too bad at mouthwork, so there's always that. But once you've had it off with lesbians you'll never really be that impressed with guys' oral skills again, so, frankly, given the option of taking it or leaving it, there's a saloon door with "cunnilingus by a dude" written on it flapping back and forth in the dust behind me.

So, he came over a few more times. It began to feel ever so slightly forced. Then, on what I'd decided was the last time we'd meet, we had a condom accident. I don't mean that it split, or just rolled off while we were fucking, or we had to adjust it midway through. I mean that because his cock is the distant relative of a ballpoint pen, putting a condom on it is like trying to make a paper party hat fit snugly on a peapod. Loose, you could say. And when he came (or just before, cos I checked it near the end and against all odds it was in place) it just drifted away into the lonely depths of my vadge. And he came inside me without either of us knowing. When we went to pull it out, I figured it had just slipped off on the last stroke and that nothing had spilled, but in fact EVERY LAST DROP had been sucked up into my pulsing post-orgasmic pussy.

I said a few swearwords and my wrist came into contact with my forehead a few times, until, watching me, he said, "You're too upset! It's not a big deal."
"If you had a proper-sized penis it wouldn't be," I didn't say, but "I just don't want to get pregnant," I did say. Then the old "When did you last have an STD check" question. "I don't HAVE any to check for," he said, clearly offended. "No, but people you've had sex with might have," I said tiredly. (My ex Takashi had genital warts and never realised that's what they were, so my fears aren't exactly unfounded.) He got dressed all in a huffy and went to leave. I walked him to the door and said have fun at work, and he said, you too.

And that's all.

Oh, I got my period two days later, about 12 hours before my morning-after-pill deadline, so, yay! Not pregnant with sperm that will give me kids with teeny tiny penises.

(I should probably say that I feel a little awkward saying mean things about a dude just cos he has a skinny penis, but honestly, I don't like feeling like I have a baggy front bum any more than the next lady does. Cocks you can feel feel much nicer. Plus I ALWAYS worry about condoms coming off regardless. And, raising my voice to drown out any snickers, it's not a Japanese thing, either - he's the first J-dude I've ever had with a really small one. All the others have been big and thick and just generally decent AS.)