Banishing thrush (also known as yeast infection removal)

Any lady who's had a yeast infection, known in my corner as thrush, wants to know how to get rid of it as soon as possible without having to fritter away our finances at chemists and clinics, eh.

Here's how you do it! The Manda Overboard way.
First, stop eating and drinking ANYTHING with any sugar or starch in it. These things thrive on sugars, and you have to starve it of its source of nutrition. This means no lollies and sweets, alcohol, no fruits, no bread/rice/potatoes/starchy veg (carrots etc).

What can you have? Salads with an oil/vinegar dressing. Nuts, seeds, tofu. Proteins are fine, so you could have a nice satay sauce on tofu and salad greens, for example (a nice satay sauce: sugar-free peanut butter, black pepper, white pepper, coconut milk, soy sauce, vinegar, tabasco sauce, salt, garlic). It sounds like a harsh diet but it really does blitz the thrush. It's only a few days! You can do it! Soups are also good - spicy cabbage and other veg soups are brilliant and you can put tofu and things in. A nice garlicky avocado guacamole with celery sticks is good and filling.

Second, acidify and salinify your body. This makes your vulva and vagina an inhospitable environment for the candida to keep multiplying in. Drink water with apple cider vinegar in it, often. Things like tea, green tea, herb tea (of course avoid anything sweet), and even a weak black coffee are fine too. But a splash of real apple cider vinegar in water is best. No juice! No booze! Also, keep your salt intake at a good level (NB possibly not wise if you have blood pressure problems).

Third, put cider vinegar up your cunt. This is the least awesome part but the most effective. Soak a tampon (blasted things - I avoid avoid avoid tampons; I use my lovely mooncup instead, but if I got thrush again I'd buy a few tampons) in one part cider vinegar to one part water, give it a gentle squeeze, and insert it as high up as you can. Replace every couple of hours or so. It stings a little on the entrance to your vadge at first, but it really does completely get rid of the thrush in most cases (in my humble experience and that of my occasionally thrush-infested friends). If you have it externally, splash diluted vinegar on the thrushy bits - also minced salted garlic can help externally (probably best avoided internally).

Fourth, eat soy yoghurt and/or take acidophilus/bifidus pills! Your balance is all out of whack - get it better by restoring the natural flora and fauna. Refer to my previous entry on how to properly make soy yoghurt.

Keep at it for a couple of days and if you don't feel any improvement despite doing EXACTLY AS I SAY, perhaps go and get some gynotrosid or something. Thrush SUCKS and is so itchy and sore. Good luck, ladies!