Friend: Go left at the next lights.
Me: Wait, I thought you said right!
Friend: It's definitely left. Then the hotel should be somewhere on our right.
Me: OK. (turns left) Is there supposed to be a big bridge? This is a very big bridge. And we've run out of buildings.
Friend: ...Maybe we were supposed to go right back there after all.
Me: Well anyway, let's stop and ask for directions at the next convenience store. An aeroplane, look. Oh there are two. What? Why is that an aeroplane? Why would there be two aerop-- we're at the airport! We're at the airport!
Friend: No we're not, no we're not! The airport's not even on the map, are you sure we're at the airport? We're definitely not at the airport.
Aeroplane: ROAR, ZOOM, etc.
30 minutes later:
Friend: Well, we can't be far away now.
Me: Maybe if we take the next big right, we can-- aargh!!
Aeroplane: ROAR, ZOOM, etc.
Me and Friend: Cries of dismay and humiliation, followed by the decision to stop and ask some sort of a local.
I see a guy in a suit standing at the edge of a small foot-bridge over a small pond at the edge of a small park by the side of the dang road, admiring the view of the city lights.
Me: Excuse me...
Guy: (Turns around in shock, still holding penis, wee streams onto my leg and sort of flap-drops in wet golden sheets down my trousers) OH!
Me: Oh, sorry -
Guy: ...No, I'M sorry. Oh my GOD, I just... oh my god.
We both stare at my drenched and steaming leg for a moment (it's cold at night) and the poor guy pops his dick back into his pants.
Me: Um... (stifling giggles and wondering whether it's the decent or the cruel thing to continue) I was wondering if you knew where such-and-such station is, cos I'm trying to find a hotel just near it...
Him: Oh my GOD, I... yeah, go right at the next intersection and then just go straight ahead blah blah blah directions directions
Me: Thanks very much.
Him: oh my GOD I'm so SORRY, I can't believe I pissed ALL over your leg, look, you're SOAKING in my piss, check it out, oh my. Here (takes out his wallet, presumably to compensate me)!
Me: No no no, you're not paying me for that. Accidents happen. Seriously, no, please don't worry about it!
Him (loudly): But I pissed on you! I want to pay you.
Passerby: (extremely strange look)
I start losing my battle with the "AHA!!" laughter that's bumping around inside me and tell him it's completely okay and walk away gingerly in the other direction holding my trouser leg away from my shin in mild horror.)
Urine isn't a terribly offensive substance, eh? But it's so HOT and ripe, and it's someone's waste product, and when you don't know that person it isn't thaaaat awesome.
Pee ess: I can't believe people collect and drink their urine for health. As I understand it, re-consuming uric acid and urea is a terrific way to fuck up your kidneys.
Oh well, each to their own (urine).
6 comments:
That is so cool that a guy in a suit pissed on you and was mortified. Much better than a homeless bum pissing on you and being too drunk to notice.
Oh, so many bloggers and so much, so much to do and learn; oh woe, oh woe.
Do you know that when your blog is viewed, it costs me a bit of a penny from my web server way over in California?
That's because the picture your using on the contents of urine is from my web server. You make a post, I supply the cost to send the picture to you.
The page with the picture you sniped is Your personal pee-print
Do you know how to fix this so you pay your own way?
I use FireFTP. Many folks use Picassa from Google because it works easily with Blogger.
Sorry, Brian! The link is removed. I absolutely didn't mean to snipe your picture - I linked to your URL instead of copying and saving a picture because I thought that was more kosher. Sorry for any and all inconvenience!
Manda
It beats me how folks on the web are going to figure this out! I've noticed 100s of my pics are sniped, so lately I've been experimenting by exploring and learning.
I really think you can use pics that are not 'expressly' protected. For instance, the author of Farside cartoons is adamantly against his pics showing up anywhere on the web except his own site. He pays a law firm to work full time.
I agree that for most of us, a backlink is plenty.
But pulling the pic directly from another's server is different too. I don't want to make trouble for you in any way. Please use the pic - and use the original link too, New Scientist
Best,
Brian
I freely admit to not knowing more than a jot about the inter nets and how they work. I wasn't even really aware that me linking to a picture could cost somebody money. Thanks for your info, Brian - very interesting; I will try to find out more about what type of pictures I can pinch (within reason and ethically). I'm certainly not making any money out of them, and the last thing I want is to hit somebody else in the pocket just for the sake of a picture of the contents of wees.
I overstated my case and I feel guilty. The little cost of sniping a picture is so small in the big picture of bandwidth.
When a webserver delivers a picture, there's a millisecond of activity. Maybe there's a smidge of a penny in cost, one super tiny slice of a penny. But in society, we all try to carry our own expenses.
And then there's the thing called private property. Most folks and most businesses are glad for a little attention, so they don't mind if their stuff is used - if they get a link or some thank you.
Bloggers should pay attention though. Someday soon, sloppiness can come to bite us. So we should learn how to manage property that belongs to somebody else.
This does NOT mean we can't speak about somebody's stuff. Positively or negatively, our voice matters and is protected by great law.
But we need to learn how to be fair, to learn about "fair use of copyright", to respect ownership, and to carry our own costs.
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